wrasslin'.

So, as basically no one knows, I jetted out for that one holiday and came home for the weekend to watch my brother compete in the state tournament for an unpecified sport in which boys grapple each other while wearing leotards. It's been interesting. I laughed, I cried. (What's new?) Here are some highlights.

1. "No po-po? I go-go." --my mother
2. After hearing my life plan to become an audiologist, CA asked me what I was going to do about sex. I'm not sure what worries me more, her assumption that I will be single for the rest of my life or her thinking that intercourse is crucial to a healthy lifestyle.
3. My mother's only thoughts on the 4-time state champion referred to his shoulder blades and surrounding musculature: "He looks like he has boobs on his back. I mean, if you were to take a picture without his head there, he'd look like some deformed woman!"

Sometimes, things happen. Like losing. My brother lost. Predicted to place, and he lost before the quarter finals. Pinned in 30 seconds by a boy he'd beaten the week before. But that's not what made me cry. (Yep, me. Tearing up in the middle of a sports event.) I went to give him his food today and he said he didn't want to eat until he had warmed up with AP. AP was wrestling for the championship. It's every little boy's dream to come down those stairs when they call your name and stand on the mats with the rest of the boys competing to be state champ in each class and weight. And AP got to do it. But he asked my brother to come out on the mats with him and help him warm up. And he stood out there on the mats, waiting to warm up until my brother came down. My brother, out there with the rest of the state champions. As I drove him home today, he told me that afterwards, AP had said to him, "I couldn't have done it without you, brother." Bless AP's little heart. (And someone did, since he was indeed crowned state champ.) Sometimes things suck. Refs make bad calls. You get put on your back when you never see it coming. And it sucks. It really does. But there are beautiful moments through every single one of the hard times. Sometimes you have to look hard. Sometimes they are staring you in the face. But the fact of the matter is that you have to get up. You have to keep going, and you have to keep hoping. And you have to keep looking, because the sun will always rise again.

i am not who i was a year ago.

A year ago, I was sad. Not depressed, just generally a flatline person. It was just a sad state for me compared to who I am now. But in the past year I have learned how to hope. I have learned how to trust that there is a greater power in this world than me or anyone else. I have learned how to be honest with myself and with others. I have learned how to be brave. I have learned how special and unique I am. And I have learned how to trust my own sanity, even when everyone else doubts me. You might think that sounds sad. But it's not. I know everything will be okay. I don't know how. I don't know when. But I know that for me, this whole religion-and-prayer thing tends to work out pretty well. So I am sticking to what I know, to what I've felt, to what I've experienced that proves to me that there is still good left in the world, and that there is always hope, even for the impossible.

salt lake in the spring.

Instead of dwelling on the snow coming to our fair city in the next week, I'm doing another photo-dump to brighten your spirits.

I sincerely apologize for my lack of formatting skills. It's totally fine, I'm not even mad.

make it a great day.

"Make it a great day!" This is the sentiment my father would exclaim every morning when he dropped me off. "Okay, Dad." Typical angsty teenager, you know. But now that I am just so mature, I would like to personally recommend making it a great day. Talk to people who make you happy. Like this girl never ceases to make me smile. And if you aren't happy, change something. Try something new. A new pattern of thought, a new project, a new major, whatever floats your boat. See how you like it. But the key to your own happiness has always been and will always be so within reach that it is a part of you. So make it a great day. Take a chance. Be happy. As someone very wise once said, "You write your own story." So... Write it. And for heaven's sake, please make it a happy one.

#gonnabefine

Today was a pretty serendipitous day. It felt about like this:

A lot of good things happened. And while nothing was new information, it felt like a little more of a push in the right direction. A lot of little signs that everything's going to be okay. Sometimes it gets hard. Sometimes it gets really hard. But we're going to make it, people. I'm sure.

yup, i'm religious.

I don't know what has happened to me lately (well, I do... but it's not public information), but I have truly gained such a testimony of the gospel with which I have aligned my beliefs my whole life. It's taken me a while to get here. Anyways, I'm a big fan of this man and this is something that really rang true with me when I stumbled across it the other day.

Put Your Trust in God

It isn’t as bad as you sometimes think it is.

It all works out. Don’t worry.

I say that to myself every morning.

It will all work out.

Put your trust in God,

and move forward with faith

and confidence in the future.

The Lord will not forsake us.

He will not forsake us.

If we will put our trust in Him,

if we will pray to Him,

if we will live worthy of His blessings,

He will hear our prayers.

Sometimes I think I sound like a broken record, saying, "Everything's going to be okay." I say it every day of my life. I write it in my journal over and over again. I cried my eyes out in the middle of class after reading this, the usual response to churchy things as of late. This is what happens when you have something to live for, people. I highly recommend you try it.

it's like she knows me.

http://thediaryofajoshuatree.blogspot.com/2013/01/and-sometimes-thats-just-way-to-feel.html

first week of school.

Good things from this week...

+ Hitting this place up twice.
+ 16 credits.
+ Having my GRE date rescheduled due to inclement weather.
+ Downton Abbey starting up again.
+ Big O tires on my car.
+ Macey's cookies.
+ Cutting SJ's bangs.
+ Epiphanies.
+ Girl talk.
+ Falling in love with this song.



Hope your week was just as good.

cowboy boots and a life lesson.

Secretly, I'm just a little bit of a country girl. Not much, and not in a Texas-country way. I like to refer to my family as sophisticated (lowcountry) rednecks. But, lowcountry rednecks are different than your regular ol' run-of-the-mill rednecks. But that's not the point. The point is, I love my cowboy boots. Do I ride horses? No. Do I plan to step in manure any time soon? No. But I love my boots. And they have holes in them. So I had to buy new ones. And I did. Three pairs, because that's just how I make decisions. (Keep in mind that all three pairs could be returned with free shipping.) And, wouldn't you know it, after trying them all on, the pair I fell in love with was the first pair that had ever caught my eye. But I couldn't be sure. And if a girl can be sure about something in her life, it's got to be shoes.

Now, I would normally return the item and say, "If I want it bad enough, I'll go back for it." (I have yet to do so with any purchase.) But these I just couldn't let go of. So I've been wearing them around the house since Christmas. And today I finally wore them outside. I'm very cautious about decision-making (in case you can't tell) so the whole day I was thinking about how they felt, what they'd do in the snow, whether my feet were too warm or cold, etc. I'm in Books-a-Million with my mother at about 8 pm, and a woman comes up to me. "I love your boots," she says. "Where did you get them? What brand are they?" So I told her. Zappos, Ariat. "I'm from New Mexico," she says, "And those are the boots to get." It wasn't like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders, but it was nice to know that I'd made the right decision for me.

Note to self: trust your gut. End of story.

2012.

2012 is over. Gone are the days of 12/12/12 Facebook statuses and counting down to the end of the world. To be honest, I'm not big on New Year's. I spent last night sending out "Happy New Year!" texts at 12 and promptly falling asleep. (Wow, should I really admit that for the world to know?) And although my New Year's celebration wasn't like this...

...it was good enough for me. It's been an interesting year, to say the least. This year has been a year of learning for me. I've learned quite a few things that I needed to know. Among other things, I've definitely learned that everything will be okay, no matter what happens. So with that, I welcome 2013 and all that it will bring. It's Day 1. Happy New Year!