highlights of my day.

Only one casualty, a plate in the dishwasher. Heaven knows how one plate in the middle of the dishwasher can get broken with the others around it intact, but hey, they make it happen.

"Umm... Excuse me? Excuse me? Umm... I love you."

The guy in the redneck truck who whistled at me as I was turning onto Jeff Davis.

The African American girl with blue, purple, and neon green tye-dyed hair walking into Walmart.

swiss miss 3.

22. They drive on the same sides of the road as us. And their cars are as big as ours too. They have SUV's.

23. Every toilet flushes differently. You might look for the pull for at least 6 minutes before giving up and then mentally picturing the stall and figuring it out after you've left.

24. Teenagers can wear the "f" word on their shirts without getting too many weird looks.

25. There is a strange abundance of Asians.

26. Really. Every little kid is aesthetically beautiful. Even if his or her parents aren't attractive at all. They are all adorable.

27. Church in French is really difficult to stay awake for.

28. There is no shortage of man-capris.

29. Men wear two large balloons under their shirts and walk around looking like women. Because no woman has boobs that big... Right?

30. Lesbians tongue each other on the metro.

31. Old men in Speedos strip in front of you.

32. Old, fat men in Speedos play in the water fountains with small children.

33. Blogger logs you in in German.

The end.

swiss miss 2.

12. You are expected to only use one square of toilet paper. This is implicitly, but strongly, encouraged because bathrooms only dispense this amount at one time or the toilet paper is ridiculously thick.

13. If you have to pee, GO. Never think that you'll "be fine." You will not.

14. Sometimes completing number 13 requires money. No matter how badly you have to go.

15. Electric fences are for cows.

16. Alpine flies are really stupid.

17. Rivella = Coke

18. Rick Steves = God

19. Leggings pass as appropriate bottoms to an outfit.

20. Any falling water is potable, even if it is spewing out of the side of a 9th-century castle. However, water from a bathroom faucet is not.

21. Hiking down to Murren requires unleashing your inner Freud.

Still to be continued...

swiss miss.

In Switzerland...

1. All small children are absolutely adorable.

2. It is perfectly acceptable to pat the butt of the guy next to you to the beat of "Get Ready" at the Montreaux Jazz Festival.

3. No one says anything offensive enough to you to make you change if you just happen to leave your home wearing an entire outfit of neon green.

4. You can swim around a castle, complete with centuries-old poop.

5. If people want to stare at you, they will.

6. Couples are mismatched. Ex: Short man, tall woman; old white man, young Phillippino woman; attractive man, hairy woman; etc.

7. Every one of said couples is DEEPLY in love, complete with hand holding, groping, and the occasional holding of the towel in front of your girlfriend while she changes, without bothering to avert your eyes or stop making out with her.

8. What looks like apple juice is really unsweetened tea.

9. The train leaves on time, whether you are the only one of your family on it or the rest of them have managed to accompany you.

10. Everyone smokes. They all look like they're just regular cigarettes, but I can smell better. Then again, marijuana is legal here.

11. Most guys you can smell while passing them on the street actually smell pretty good. However, the ones that happen to sit across from you on the 45-minute train ride back home do not.

To be continued...

the bros.

My brother has officially become one of those boys. You know, the ones who grow up to be the boys previously referred to as those who only use girls for making out. Today he "got some play" with a girl who we will refer to as D. Necessary? No. Fun? Probably, ask him. He is currently standing around his friends, including A, who is obsessing over his facebook status. (Which is now "[A] and [G], [my brother], [the kid who introduced himself to me last night as "Flavius"] discovered the Greatest insult known to man its the " Sea Gypsy" let it be known all throughout the land on July 8 2010") They're playing DJ Tiesto's remix of "Adagio for Strings" and none of them know what it's called. Except my brother. Who, despite his knowledge of Samuel Barber's most well-known work, is slowly spiraling down the drain towards the eminent high school male personality disorder, which my friends and I have a tendency to refer to as "durhur." "P (Flavius), I think I have one thousand friends!" This is what society is coming to. And you ask me why I don't date.

car maintenance.

If there's one thing that's out of my comfort zone, it's car maintenance. Even the simplest of oil changes I have difficulty with; I always drive out of that BP confused/not satisfied with myself/lacking something I came to get done, etc. Today it was an oil change. My little car has 252, 902 miles on it. I checked my gas mileage yesterday, 35 mpg. It rocks. However, beyond that, I am severly lacking in my knowledge of the inner workings of the modern automobile. And it doesn't help that everything my buddy M (full name has been withheld to protect those not here to defend themselves) is said with a serious southern twang. (Though I am well-versed in the twang, I can't really understand him when he's behind my hood, pumping oil into my car.) "Do you want it on or off?" I asked him. Easy question, right? I still don't know what his response was, but I have reason to believe it was not one of the two options I gave him; whatever he said in response was comprised of multiple syllables. My other task today was "steering fluid." When my mother drove my car the other day (so I could eat something on the way to pick up my charges when I had woken up late), she said, "You need steering fluid." What is that? Oil for your steering wheel? So when I drove up, I said, "Oil change and steering fluid," clear as day. But, of course, human error comes into play, people forget things, I am victim to an imperfect hippocampus as well as the vast majority of our species. Needless to say, I don't think I drove out with this illustrious "steering fluid." It was not on my receipt, though it did say "taxable amount: $16.00, total amount: $31.99." I just handed my card over like the typical clueless customer. Also behind the hood, my buddy M mentioned to me that something is "looking really dirty... And I recommended it to ya last time and I'm mo recommend it to ya 'gin; it's a killer for gas mileage." (Mileage. Which on my sticker for my next oil change is spelled "milage." Once again, humans make mistakes, maybe it was a rough day at work.) I have no idea what that "something" is, and I was too confused about my total to really ask anything. So. Upstairs in my room is a book I borrowed from the library, entitled "How Women Win the Auto Repair Game." This must be my karmic cue to crack it open.